And how it’s worked for me in business.
Have you ever worked with someone who you've just found to be really difficult?
Most of us have met someone like this at some point in our career. There seems to be no reason for it. They question everything you do. They constantly flag up problems without offering solutions, and because they focus on the negatives rather than the positive, they're overly critical.
If you don't sort things out quickly, the impact can be catastrophic. A negative ripple effect can travel quickly amongst teams, impacting individuals and company performance. People and teams begin to form opinions which are simply not true.
False assumptions begin to influence business decisions and before you know it, employee engagement levels plummet. If this isn't bad enough, because your people are not in the best frame of mind, they don't perform to their best and customer satisfaction also takes a hit.
Often when faced with this situation, the person or area of the business under attack goes into defence mode. Because others are focused on the negatives, their attention is also diverted to sort out the things that could be going better.
And guess what happens next. The 5% or 10% of issues that have been called out as a problem get fixed, however the 90% or 95% of business that was going very well begins to suffer as everyone takes their eye of the ball.
Things can get so bad that you begin to question what you're doing. Your motivation levels drop and the whole thing becomes exhausting. What tends to happen next is one of two things. You decide to look for a position elsewhere, or you put up a fight. Neither are good outcomes.
Here's a story to put things into a bit more context.
Several years ago, this was happening to me. I was running a sales team at the time and was new to the business. Very quickly after starting, it was clear that my predecessor had been one of the most popular people in the business. I was the newbie and had a lot to live up to.
After a few months into the role, I found the leader of the Installation Team to be particularly difficult to work with. They were picking holes in everything that me and my team were doing.
At our management meetings, this person would always ask me difficult questions. I’d take a sideswipe and be blind-sided regularly. If my team got something wrong, rather than work with me to sort it out, they seemed to relish letting everyone know about the shortcoming. They appeared determined to get one over on me – or that’s what it felt like anyways.
It didn’t take long before this negativity began to drag me down. I realised I needed to act and was faced with a choice - fight back - or approach things differently.
The unhealthy nature of fighting back would have just increased the pressure further, so I chose to approach things in a more positive way.
I decided the right thing to do was to build a relationship, starting with me concentrating on giving and not worrying about what I was getting (the constant challenge). My aim was to try and win the respect of the Installation Manager so that they would become a supporter of mine, a real advocate - The polar opposite of what they’d been so far.
So rather than fight, this is what I did.
I began to get to know them. I listened to them intently and gave them my time. I began to understand the pressures they were under and the challenges faced in their area of the business.
I was soon to realise that the attacks on my team were their attempt to deflect attention away from their own underperforming area of the business. Not everything was rosy in the garden of the Installation Team.
Although It was tempting to start pointing the finger back, I didn't. What I did was simple. I just listened some more, backed them at management meetings and always praised their team’s efforts whenever I spotted something going well.
I even wrote an article for the internal company newsletter highlighting the great work that was being done in their area when both of our teams were working together. It didn’t require any input from them. I wrote the entire piece.
I shared it with them for feedback ahead sending it off for final publishing. There were no additions or amendments requested and of course they were delighted.
I heaped praise on their team and supported them whenever I could, even during times when I thought their team could have done more.
The relationship changed. The attacks on my own team began to lessen. I continued to give them my time and worked with them, mainly just by listening.
Difficult conversations became less frequent and less difficult, and there was a true sense of working together. The unhealthy competition and difficult questions eased. They in turn went on to support me and back me whenever I needed it. The whole relationship had turned on its head.
I achieved this by simply concentrating on giving them my time, listening intently, and showing them and their team some appreciation. The results were amazing. The Installation Manager soon became by biggest advocate and performance across both of our teams improved.
My advice to anyone in a similar position where you have a difficult business relationship is simple. Sort it out as quickly as you can by concentrating on what you can give - it’s amazing what you’ll get back in return.
Find Gherkin on LinkedIn at
https://www.linkedin.com/company/gherkin-associates-ltd
Helping People and Businesses Thrive
Glenn Smith – Gherkin Associates Ltd
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